To see 50 Shades or not?

(This post originally appeared on my blog A New Paradigm.) Happy 50 Shades Day! Yes, I'm actually excited about this movie. I couldn't get through the book, but I think the movie will be better because the actors will give the characters more life and depth. But that's not what I'm excited for. I'm excited that it will reach an even bigger audience of vanilla people and give my community some visibility. Suddenly it's a note acceptable lifestyle, and perhaps somehow it will make room for polyamory to become more accepted, too. When co workers ask what i did over the weekend, I'm afraid to honestly answer. They all knew about Ru because we've been together a long time... But how do I explain my secondary when most of my coworkers don't even know I'm a Witch? Some of them are pretty conservative, so I've kept my mouth shut- I'm not trying to start drama. But it pains me that I can't be myself at work. For me, BDSM and polyamory essential to my sexual wellbeing. As an LGBT person says, "This is who I am," and "I was born this way," kink is not something I just use to spice up the sex life. I knew I was kinky before I knew I was sexual- I tried to get boys to tie me up or handcuff me WAY before I was even dating. (Cops and Robbers!) It's not just something to spice up my sex life, and it has served much deeper purposes in my life, as a catalyst for some spiritual experiences. But there's a lot of judgement and misinformation out there, and even potential discrimination. In Vegas I felt liberated, but the more conservative areas of the country- that is, virtually everywhere else- sexuality is still something to be hidden and deviance shamed. So I'm excited that it's coming out. We probably won't see it right away, but my boys and I and the girl we've been flirting with are going. To me, supporting this movie equals supporting the BDSM Scene and it's place in our culture.

BDSM and how it differs from abuse

http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/an-open-letter-to-young-people-about-fifty-shades-of-grey/ I read this open letter a few days ago, and really infuriated by the way this woman insists that BDSM equals abuse, always, without quarter. "Healthy girls dream of their wedding day, not handcuffs," she writes. Well, I've dreamed of bondage far longer than I've fantasized about sex. Not only to I resonate with the "born this way" mantra, there is another parallel with GLBT rights: psychiatrists once considered homosexuality an illness. BDSM is a composite acronym for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submition, Sadism & Masochism. When I submit myself to the will of another, I have to be able to trust them completely, which can deepen a relationship remarkably. There is a prior understanding of what is acceptable and what is not, and if I want the scene to end for any reason, I use my safe word. I know my Dom/me has not only my safety but my comfort in mind- nothing ruins the good pain of a whip like the bad pain of too tight bindings. Aside from the woman's blatant personal bias against BDSM, her attacks against it are unprofessional. A psychotherapist who lays judgement on her patients is unlikely to help them, but drive them further into their neuroses. Of course, she's a psychiatrist, which is really just a professional drug pusher. While I argue that BDSM is not abuse, there are people out there who will abuse others but call it BDSM. The other day, a college student allegedly assaulted another student and claimed he was reenacting a scene from Fifty Shades of Gray. The incident appears to have began consensual, but the man in the dominant position crossed several lines, the most important being ignoring the woman when she asked him to stop. (See http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6743956 ) In BDSM, consensuality is one of the three core values- safe,sane, consensual- and that consensuality may be revoked at any time with the use of a safe work ("red light" is a common one) or signal (like shaking a bell, if the sub is gagged or otherwise mute). Ironically, I feel far safer at a party with a bunch of fetishists than at a bar, for so many reasons. For one, everyone is very open and up front about themselves. You know what kinks each person has, people play publicly while "dungeon keepers" monitor safety and security, and usually there's no alcohol. I've definitely seen one guy I'd call "creepy" at a dungeon, but he was escorted out quickly. What makes one creep stand out from a group of perverts, you ask? He didn't talk to anyone, prowling behind the girls, then tried to get one to leave with him. Red flag! After the book was released, hardware stores were running out of rope and AA batteries sales skyrocketed. The next wave of that is starting now. As a Dom once told me,a guy who has seen one kinky movie is not a safe play-partner. It seems that the BDSM community needs to take responsibility to promote safe practices, so that we aren't unprepared for the flood of newbies.