It's not unusual for me to say something that leaves other members of the conversation speechless; social acceptability of a topic usually doesn't come to my mind until after I see the reaction cross the face of my listener. One such topic that never fails to elicit a reaction, sometimes a visceral one, is my polyamorous lifestyle. It's like some people take it personally insulting, lashing out and refusing to allow a civil discussion of the matter. One woman recently told me I was ruining marriage in this country, and declared, since it was on FB, that she wasn't going to bother reading my responses "justifying" my "disgusting behavior" because obviously all I wanted was to sleep around. I think her husband must be cheating.
Polyamory is more complicated than that. It's got its own set of ethics to follow, based on the agreement made between Primary partners. Primary partners often cohabitate as a family, but not always. They decide the terms of their relationship and what kinds of secondary relationships may be had. Some relationships are triads, where all three members are romantically involved, or they may be a "V" with a person having a primary and a secondary. The geometry grows from there, with squares being common (two primary relationships that share), and larger communities. Polyamory is generally not about one-night-stands outside of a main relationship, like Swinging entails, but a development of meaningful relationships. Healthy relationships look and feel like an extended family, helping to support each other and fill each other's needs.
There are a lot of personal reasons I have for being poly, which I won't go into today, but I admit it's not for everyone. It requires a greater level of openness and honesty than a monogamous relationship can survive on, and a willingness to take responsibility for emotions like jealousy, to free your partner from being expected to fill all your needs... No, not for everyone. But when so many comedians joke of how marriage is a prison, maybe it's the solution for some of us. For more information, I suggest The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
No comments:
Post a Comment